Doubts

July 16, 2009

I’ve been thinking of writing again for the last several days. I think about adoption every day. So much goes on in my mind at once that I really don’t know where to begin when I sit down to type.
I just finished another book about adoption and started a new one today. Many of the books that I’ve read, along with testimonials I’ve read online, say how the parents always at some point felt doubts. That to me is comforting to know. I wonder if it’s really God putting it in my heart to adopt, why do I still feel doubt…because I’m human, I guess? I just keep thinking about Steven Curtis Chapman and he said that if he and his wife wouldn’t have listened to God...how much they would’ve missed. It’s kind of like when we just had Ty, I had doubts about having another child. Once you’re pregnant though, you just deal and you know that everything will be okay. With adoption there’s so much choice. I imagine it’s completely natural for me to have doubts. Now of course with Ava, we couldn’t imagine life without her and I see now how much WE would’ve missed without her.

I spoke with one of the agencies today and got some questions answered. I’m looking into Russia right now. I’m still completely open to all countries. There are requirements, fees, wait times, travel times, etc. that all vary depending on the country. Right now Russia seems like a good match. We’ll see. I didn’t think at first that I would even look at Russia. I’ve narrowed down agencies and I’m mainly looking at 2-3 now. It’s like the journey has already begun.

Trusting that God will provide is the hardest thing. God also gave us a brain, so, I’d better use it! I just don’t know HOW this will be possible. That’s the biggest issue right now. If money were no object, I would start the process now.

Genesis 46:3-4
“I am God, the God of your Father,” he said. “Do not be afraid to go down to Egypt, for I will make you into a great nation there. I will go down to Egypt with you, and I will surely bring you back again. And Joseph’s own hand will close your eyes.”

Caption at bottom says:
God told Jacob to leave his home and travel to a strange and faraway land. But God reassured him by promising to go with him and take care of him. When new situations or surroundings frighten you, recognize that experiencing fear is normal. To be paralyzed by fear, however, is an indication that you question God’s ability to take care of you.

Psalm 84:12
O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.