Thinkin' in the Car

I do a lot of thinking while I drive.  I tear up a lot as I think about many things.  I seem to have very clear thoughts.  The other morning in the car, I was thinking about the things that God has allowed in my life.  Things that have happened that have really molded and shaped me into the person that I am today.  I am a MUCH stronger person today than I was years ago.  Also, there have been decisions made that seem to line up with what's ahead...but at the time of the decisions, we had NO idea!  It's really amazing to see God's plan take shape.  One day you might only have one piece of the puzzle, and in some time, you get another piece.  Then you start to see what a good part of the picture is going to be.  The whole picture may never completely be seen, but it all starts to make sense when you lean on Him.

I'm kind of a private person and this blogging thing is a new idea to me.  I don't care for social networking sites, either.  This to me seems different.  I'm sharing, but I feel...for a pupose.  I see this as a way to grow and be inspired by others.  To be encouraged...and to know that we can all learn from one another.  And also to know that none of us are perfect!  I'm sure that we all have crazy stories to tell that happen each and every day!!

Dusty and I have plans to start the paper work for adoption in the summer.  You see, I'm 29 and to adopt from China I have to be 30.  Adoption has been placed on my heart for almost 2 years now.  My first thought of adoption that I spoke out loud was that I wanted to adopt a little girl from China.  So, that's where I started researching first...and then I researched all different countries and came right back to China.  We feel led right now to go with China special needs.  And because we feel like China is where the Lord is taking us...I have to wait some more!  I'll be 30 in November (2010), but I've heard that I can possibly start paper work 6 months before my 30th birthday.  (I'm not totally sure if that's accurate, though).

I have to be brutally honest and I really hope that I don't word this in a way that sounds offensive...I have to say though, if you were to ask me if I wanted more kids, my quick answer would be, "Nope!  I'm DONE!"  I've said since I was pregnant with Ava that we're done after this one!  Now, please know, I feel incredibly blessed to have our children.  I don't mean to sound ungrateful...but that's how I felt.  I LOVE kids and always have.  We were so sure that we didn't want more children though, that we made sure we wouldn't get pregnant again.  Some may judge us for that decision, and I hate to think that we made that decision and there are people out there that desparately want biological children, but it's what we felt was the best thing to do.  I still (in my worldly mind) think I would be fine with just my 2 kids.  I guess this is where God comes in...

I believe that all along God knew that this was His plan for me (us).  He knows that I would enjoy another child regardless of how hard-headed I am!  Not that it's about enjoying a child, but I believe it was in His plan for us NOT to have any more biological children.  We were meant to adopt.  What a sense of humor He has!!  Even though we think we're done...we're NOT!! 

I've seen lately that this desire to adopt has turned into more...something even bigger.  I don't just feel that I'm supposed to adopt and that's it.  I'm feeling incredibly convicted...and I want to serve in an orphange...in any country.  Mission's has not been something that I've really thought seriously about.  I went on a mission's trip back in 1996 ( I think).  We went to Mexico and ran a VBS for children.  Wow, did I learn so much while I was there.  God worked in all of our hearts.  Although it wasn't a piece of cake, it was so worth it.  That's the only mission's trip that I have been on and would love to do it again.  I want to be His hands and feet.  We are trying to listen, obey, TRUST, have courage, TRUST, and wait patiently as we know that His time is the BEST time.