Love is forgiving
What do you do when someone hurts you? A lot of the time we want to throw back in their face what they did wrong, whether it be recently or in the past.
...love keeps no records of wrongs.
1 Corinthians 13:5
Forgiveness is NOT...
1. ...minimizing the seriousness of the offense.
~if you are wounded--that's accidentally hurt. ~if you are wronged--that's being intentionally hurt
2. ...resuming a relationship without changes.
~forgiveness, when it happens, it's instant. ~trust must be built back over time.
To rebuild trust:
1. Demonstrate genuine repentance.
2. Make restitution wherever possible.
3. Prove you have changed over time.
Forgiveness is by GRACE.
Trust is by WORKS.
3 Steps of Forgiveness
1. Relinquish my right to get even.
Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.
Romans 12:19
If you don't relinquish this right and let it go, then you will resent and become bitter--which only hurts you.
Why should you forgive?
° God has forgiven you.
° Bitterness makes you miserable.
° You're going to need more forgiveness in the future.
If you don't release them...you'll start resembling them.
2. Respond to evil with good.
"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
Luke 6:27-28Do good--Bless--Pray for
Wow! That's hard...we obviously can't do it on our own.
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:21
How do you know if you've forgiven?
You've forgiven if...
*you can pray for God to bless them. (ouch!)
*you can see their hurt.
Remember this...
Hurt people, hurt people.
3. Repeat the process as long as necessary.
At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, "Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?"
Jesus replied, "Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven."
Matthew 18:21-22 (The Message)
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Colossians 3:13
I think that number 3 "repeat the process as long as necessary" has to be incredibly hard. Sometimes you forgive someone and they "get it" and you both move on rather quickly. Other times, this could seriously last a life time.
Something that hit home for me was that forgiveness is NOT resuming a relationship without changes. This affirmation means a lot to me. It means to me that MY responsibility is to forgive. Trust will have to be rebuilt and that's okay to not trust the person that hurt you immediately after being hurt. I have relief in knowing that forgiveness is not just jumping back into the relationship as it was and just waiting for it to happen again. Changes are to be made. Trust is something that takes time to build...layer by layer, over time with works, showing and proving that you are trustworthy. But trust can be lost in an instant. Poof! Just like that.
Another thing that has me in check is that you'll know if you've forgiven if you can pray for the Lord to bless them...and MEAN IT!!
It's true though, if you don't let it go, the bitterness will overcome you and you'll start to resemble what hurt you in the first place!! What a great motivator, right? I know that I DO NOT want to resemble those who have hurt me.
If as Christians, we are to become more like Jesus, then we must forgive. He forgives us every day for the numerous things we do every day...every hour, every minute!! We will need more forgiveness in the future (like in one minute from now!) so we have to pray that the Lord will help us to forgive. I know in my current situation that I do not have the power to forgive on my own. It is my human nature that wants to become bitter...and THIS is why we need Jesus, yall!!
We have to depend on His power to help us!!
Ephesians 3:20 says...
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us...
2 comments:
This is a heavy post, and a very good one. Relinquishing the right to get even - that is a good first step. If we can do this one, we can do the others.
And you are right, we sometimes have to forgive the same person over and over, either for repeat offenses against us, or for the hurt and pain from the same occurrence invading us over and over. Sometimes I have to remind myself: "Ok, let it go, you have already forgiven that."
Two incentives for me to forgive: One, I want to be forgiven. Two, the same forgiveness of God I claim for myself the other guy claims for himself. Put another way, God wants to forgive the other guy as much as me.
Sometimes forgiveness is hard and it hurts, but God rewards it richly!
Great post!
wb
I'm hosting a series of guest posts on my blog right now for a marriage series. Would you consider writing one on Marriage and Adoption?
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